Enlarging “Small Talk”
“Gatherings consume our days and help determine the kind of world we live in.” – Priya Parker, author of The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters
This time of year tends to be a season for social gatherings, and while it is true we are a “connecting species”, there are many who find themselves uncomfortable at Holiday parties for a multitude of reasons, including a more introverted disposition, an aversion for “small talk”, and a fear the conversation will turn to topics for which they might experience discomfort or find emotionally draining, and therefore dread this time of year from a socializing perspective. If that is the case for you, read on.
Small talk has historically been my seasonal social aversion, but this year I’m finding myself surprisingly excited about attending upcoming festivities. It’s not that I’m feeling a lack of social connection, but rather am experiencing a rekindled desire to get to know people I “know” in more meaningful ways. And there is a specific reason why this shift has taken place for me.
Recently while at the gym, I was talking with one of the other early morning regulars who I have become acquainted with over the past year. He’s a retired career military veteran and while he talks little about that time in his life, I’ve probed enough to know he experienced some horrific things in combat during his time on active duty. He has cancer now, and it is evident that he “soldiers through” his physical pain in the same way he has learned to soldier through his emotional pain all these years. Yet whenever I speak with him, all he can talk about is what a fortunate man he is.
On this particular day, he had a focused agenda. “Doc,” he said (that’s how I’m known at the gym – he’s not a patient), “I would be quite honored if you and a guest would come to a Holiday party my wife and I are having. I come from humble roots and yet find myself at this stage of my life surrounded by incredible people. I count you among them. It’s important for me that you wonderful people get to know each other, and since I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be around, I want to be sure to connect you now.”
You can bet we’ll be there …
In these challenging times, we need all the meaningful connection we can get. Like myself, you likely “know” some wonderful people who you really don’t know at all. So over the next few weeks as I gather with others for our many seasonal celebrations, I plan to carry the Spirit of my gym friend with me – arriving with an open heart and prepared to meet some wonderful people, and invite you to do the same. If you’re not sure where to start, these 36 questions have been shown to help even strangers feel more connected with each other.
This year, let’s choose to intentionally create the kind of world we want to live in – one where we make the most of our limited time together, one gathering at a time. Where connection is the intention, no talk is small talk.