Setting “Be” Goals For Your “A” Game
“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” ― Carl Gustav Jung
One of the ways I focus my day each morning is to set an intention around the question, “Who and how will I show up this day?” In other words, what will be the “experience of myself” for others as I navigate the many gifts, challenges, frustrations, and “surprises” that await and interact with my family, friends, colleagues, patients, care team, neighbors, and strangers, recognizing there are many “Marks” who have the potential to appear.
A few years ago at a leadership conference, I had the incredible opportunity to understand much better how I would like to answer this question. In preparation for the conference, we were asked to participate in a process I have come to call the “A-Game, D-Game” exercise. We first sent an anonymous survey to at least 10 people in our professional world with whom we worked closely, asking the following questions:
Describe the most effective/best version of me for you – my "A" game. ie: "When I am on my A game for you/from your perspective, I am _____" (provide 3 adjectives, descriptors, or qualities)
When I am being my "A" game self for you, how does that make you feel?
Describe the least effective/worst version of me for you – my "D" game. ie: "When I am on my D game for you/from your perspective, I am _____" (provide 3 adjectives, descriptors, or qualities)
When I am living out of my "D" game for you, how does that make you feel?
We then did the same process by phone (video wasn’t prevalent then) with at least 3 people who were close in our personal lives.
The next step in the preparation process was to collate all the descriptors into 2 groups: our “A-Game” and our “D-Game” selves. The lists were longer than I expected and once I got past my ego-defenses, were surprisingly accurate with what I “know” about myself when I am vulnerably honest. What was most revealing was when I read the list of “A” Game attributes, words such as encouraging, present, curious, and inspiring, and reflected on those aspects of me, I liked me being that me – and so did they. And when I read the list of “D” Game attributes, words such as stubborn, guarded, distracted, and moody, even I didn’t like me being that me – and neither did they.
All of which led me to some breakthrough, literally “life-changing” insights. When I am being my A-Game “better” self by embracing those qualities (which feels like my “Truest” self), I am “Attracting” others to me and my impact increases. When I am being my D-Game not so effective self, I am “Distancing” myself from others (and myself) and my impact diminishes. And when I’m intentional about consciously deciding who and how I want to be, the choice is mine to make … moment by moment, decision by decision, interaction by interaction.
And coming to that conclusion and reminding myself of it daily has allowed me, one interaction at a time, to become who I truly am. After all, I’m going to be someone today, and so are you. We might as well choose wisely. Let’s be on our “A” Game – for their sake … and ours ….