Closing the Distance Between Us
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.’” – C.S. Lewis
In medicine, we are trained to maintain a certain distance. Professional. Respectful. Boundaried. We learn how to be collegial; pleasant in the hallway, collaborative in the workroom, efficient in the exam room. And yet, somewhere along the way, many of us stop short of something deeper. We hover in what might be called collegial distance: close enough to function well together, but not close enough to be truly known. That was the case for me for many years.
The data suggest that something important is missing in that space. In the Gallop Q12 Employee Engagement Survey, one of the most predictive questions of engagement is disarmingly simple: “I have a best friend at work.” It can feel like an odd question in a serious profession. And yet, those who answer “yes” are more engaged, more resilient, and more likely to stay, not because the work is easier, but because it is shared. The Press Ganey Employee Engagement Survey approaches this more quietly, asking about camaraderie and whether we feel a sense of connection and mutual regard with those around us. Different language, same signal. Beneath both is a simple truth: work becomes more human, and more sustainable, when we are not carrying it alone. This was the premise upon which the PeerRxMed process was born.
Once one gets past any initial programming, there is something quietly protective about being known. A colleague who notices when your energy is off. Someone with whom you can share a glance after a difficult encounter and not need to explain. Someone who remembers what matters to you outside of medicine. These relationships rarely require large amounts of time we do not have. More often, they are built in small moments: a question that lingers a little longer, a story shared instead of skipped, a willingness to move one step beyond the script of “How’s your day going?” and mean it. I’m blessed to have these professional relationships, and I hope you are as well. But that is sadly not the case for many of us.
Perhaps this is the invitation. Not to force friendship, and not to blur important boundaries, but to gently close the gap between working alongside each other and actually being with each other. To risk a little more curiosity. A little more presence. To allow for the possibility that someone we already see every day might become someone who helps us carry the weight of that day.
As you move through this week, consider who at work truly knows you beyond your role, and where you might take one small step beyond collegial distance. This does not require a grand gesture. It may be as simple as pausing for an extra moment, asking one more question, or offering something of yourself that is a bit more real. In a profession that asks so much of us, connection is not an indulgence; it is a form of sustenance. And it may be that the distance between us is not as fixed as it feels, but simply waiting for one of us to take a step closer. No one should care alone.