Forgiveness: When Letting Go Sets You Free - by Corey Martin, MD

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."
— Lewis B. Smedes (author and theologian)

Forgiveness is a word that makes many of us squirm. For some, it feels soft—like letting someone off the hook who never deserved it. For others, it carries religious baggage or sounds like an act reserved for saints and therapists. But the truth is forgiveness is not about excusing bad behavior. It’s not about making what happened okay. It’s about refusing to let someone else’s actions define your present. It’s a radical act of reclaiming your own peace.

Years ago, in the thick of my own burnout, I found myself simmering with resentment toward my organization. I was working nonstop, giving everything I had to my patients, my team, and the mission. But I felt unseen. Support was minimal, staffing was always just shy of adequate, and acknowledgment of my effort was non-existent. I became increasingly frustrated, cynical, and—if I’m honest—angry. That anger leaked out in meetings, at home, even in my own self-talk. I couldn’t fully show up anywhere. I was exhausted not just by the work, but by the bitterness I carried.

At some point, I realized no amount of waiting or hoping was going to bring me the apology, the recognition, or the support I thought I deserved. If I wanted to be free, I had to choose something different. I had to let go—not of my values or standards, but of the story that was poisoning me from the inside.

That’s what forgiveness—what I now often call release—really is. It’s not a moral performance. It’s not about whether the other person deserves grace. It’s a decision to stop letting the past hijack your future. It’s saying, “This happened. It mattered. And now I’m choosing not to carry it one more day.” That doesn’t mean forgetting. And it definitely doesn’t mean what happened was right. In fact, sometimes what has to die in the process of forgiveness is our need to be right. That’s a hard pill to swallow—especially for high-functioning professionals. But it’s also one of the most freeing. Because the truth is, being right doesn’t always make us free. Letting go does.

In truth, forgiveness begins with grief. We have to mourn what was lost: the way it should have been, the person they could have been, the way we hoped to be treated. That grief is painful—but it’s also the doorway to healing. When we skip it, we stay stuck in resentment. But when we name the hurt and feel it fully, we create space for something new: clarity, dignity, even peace.

I’ve seen this over and over—in coaching, in my personal life, and in the stories of healthcare professionals wounded by systems, colleagues, and unmet expectations. The most common thing they say isn’t, “I want revenge.” It’s, “I just want to feel like myself again.” And that’s what release offers—a way back to yourself.

So if you’re carrying something today—an old slight, a broken trust, a system that failed you—consider this: what would it feel like to finally set it down? Not because they earned it, but because you deserve to stop dragging it around.

Forgiveness isn’t weakness.  Release isn’t surrender.  It’s strength. It’s clarity.
And above all—it’s freedom.

For more, see this previous blog on the Healing Power of Self-Forgiveness