Optimizing Our Emotional Metabolism

‍ “The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it.”
— Nicholas Sparks

‍Recently, I've found myself thinking about metabolism. Perhaps that's because I spend a fair amount of time considering what I eat and how I exercise. I understand that some processes are anabolic—they build us up, while others are catabolic—they can break things down. We need both. Yet too much catabolism for too long eventually takes a toll. With all the stressors many colleagues are experiencing in their work, my musings have left me wondering; what if our emotions had a metabolism of their own?

‍Consider the emotions you've experienced over the past week. For me, connection, gratitude, hope, generativity, service, and belonging have energized and expanded me.  They feel anabolic. Other emotions, such as anger, fear, confusion, frustration, and sorrow have consumed enormous amounts of my energy and have left me feeling a bit weary. They have seemed decidedly catabolic. Yet, just as with our physical metabolism, catabolic isn't synonymous with bad. Fear protects us. Anger alerts us that something important may have been violated. Sorrow bears witness to what we love. The issue isn't that we experience these emotions. It's what happens when we don't effectively metabolize them.

‍Psychologists increasingly describe emotional health not as the absence of difficult emotions, but as our ability to recognize, understand, and regulate them. Research on emotional granularity suggests that people who can more precisely distinguish and name what they're feeling tend to use emotion-regulation strategies more effectively. Anger may reveal disappointment. Frustration may uncover fear. Irritation may be masking sorrow. Simply moving from “I feel bad” to “I feel disappointed” changes our relationship with the experience. Naming doesn't eliminate an emotion, but it may be an important first step in helping us digest it more effectively and efficiently.

‍Perhaps this is one of the hidden gifts of a trusted PeerRx relationship. A good partner doesn't try to fix our emotions or convince us not to feel them. They can help us metabolize them. As we tell our story, the vague heaviness becomes more specific. We notice. We name. We become curious. Sometimes what felt like emotional waste can be transformed into insight, action, or even wisdom. The emotion may still be there, but it no longer has to do all of its work inside us alone.

This week, pay attention to how you “metabolize” your emotions. Which emotions are presently building you up? Which are consuming more energy than you realized? Rather than asking, “How do I get rid of this feeling?” try asking, “What is this emotion trying to tell me—and how might I better process it?” Consider sharing what you notice with your PeerRx partner or another trusted colleague. Perhaps our emotional health depends less on avoiding life's “catabolic” experiences and more on learning how to process them in a more healthy way so they don't slowly consume us. No one should care, or emotionally metabolize, alone.