The Scent of Connection: How Smells Bring Us Back (and Closer)

“Smell is a potent wizard that transports you across thousands of miles and all the years you have lived.” — Helen Keller

We all have moments, and especially throughout this season, when a scent stops us in our tracks. We breathe in the cinnamon of a candle, the pine of a newly decorated tree, or the comforting aroma of something roasting in the oven, and suddenly we’re not just smelling something, we’re emotionally experiencing it. Of all the senses, scent is the one that bypasses our thinking mind and dives straight into memory, emotion, and meaning. As we move through the heart of the holiday season, the smells surrounding us become invitations into deeper presence, reflection, and connection.

The scents that stay with me are rarely about objects or places; they’re about people. Wintergreen Lifesavers remind me of the adults who carried them in their pockets at just-the-right moment. Pipe smoke evokes not just my father’s study, but my father. No More Tears shampoo recalls bathtime when I was a child.  And the scents of this season are inseparable from the relationships around them – sage and thyme drifting from a Thanksgiving kitchen filled with family, the buttery sweetness of cookies baked with children, the cool snap of peppermint bark shared in winter laughter. Even formaldehyde, unpleasant as it was, evokes memories of camaraderie with classmates.  Our strongest memories aren’t just about the smell itself, but about who we were with when we breathed it in.

Science gives language to what experience already knows. The brain’s scent center, the olfactory bulb, is uniquely wired directly into emotional and memory centers.  That’s the reason scent so easily opens the memory door – why the scent of a newborn after a bath can evoke tenderness so profound it almost aches, or why the unique scents of a loved one can quiet or quicken the nervous system in a way no bottled version ever could.  Therapists use “aroma anchoring” as a way to help people access calm or clarity through specific scents. Hospitals experiment with lavender and citrus oils to ease anxiety and promote well-being. Our noses, it turns out, are quiet neurologic shortcuts, pathways to memory, regulation, and connection.

Because scent is so relationally encoded, sharing the smells that shape us can become its own form of intimacy. When someone tells me of their “scent memories,” I learn something about their inner landscape that words alone might not reach.  This kind of sharing can deepen connection in often surprising ways, particularly if you find common affinity or even distain for certain scents. 

This week, share with your PeerRx partner or another colleague a scent that transports you – especially one woven into your relationships. What holiday aroma evokes a person you cherish? What smell anchors you in belonging? Consider keeping a grounding scent nearby – pine coffee, a candle, an essential oil – and notice what shifts when you pause to breathe it in. Sometimes the deepest connections can start not with words, but with a simple shared breath – the scent of memory reminding us that we are held, we are known, and we are not alone.