Endearingly Quirky: How Our Oddities Can Bring Us Closer

“If you think people in your life are normal, then you undoubtedly have not spent any time getting to know the abnormal side of them.” — Shannon L. Alder, author

We all have them – those small, often unconscious habits or idiosyncratic preferences that make us uniquely us. I’m talking about quirks, like the way we organize the dishwasher “the right way,” insist on using a pen that writes just so, hold on to a “lucky” trinket, or, in my case, refuse to throw away a bar of soap until it’s worn to a transparent sliver.  That particular habit traces back to my grandmother, who grew up during the Depression. She would collect every soap scrap, press them together, and make a new bar – nothing wasted. I suspect that somewhere in me, her frugality still whispers: Don’t waste what still has use. What began as an act of necessity became, over generations, a quiet ritual of remembrance.

Our quirks are often like that – patterned residues of experience, family, culture, or emotion. They carry stories. The colleague who’s chronically early may have once been shaped by a parent who wasn’t, or one who insisted that showing up early was a sign of respect.  The one who can’t rest until every email is answered might equate order with safety or delay as risking disapproval. The friend who always carries snacks might have known what it’s like to go without or sees the offer of food as an avenue to bond with others.   

Research on relationships confirms that intimacy grows not merely through shared interests, but through shared understanding of the “why” behind behavior.  When we allow others to see our quirks with this new perspective, it provides the opportunity for trust to deepen as these behaviors are now met with compassion rather than correction or even criticism.  Likewise, when others share with us, our heartfelt response allows us to be a witness to the tender terrain of their more authentic vulnerability. 

Indeed, when we notice and share these quirks with curiosity rather than judgment, they become invitations rather than irritations.  They humanize us.  What might once have seemed odd or annoying becomes endearing once we understand the “origin story” beneath it.  In doing so, we can transform our impatience into deeper empathy, and our amusement into affection.

Remember that our quirks are often love notes from our past showing up as small reminders of who and what has shaped us. This week, consider sharing one of your quirks with your PeerRx partner or another colleague (they’re likely already aware of it!) and, if known, any story it might contain.  Then invite them to do the same. Notice what happens as laughter or recognition surfaces and how this sharing softens the space between you. Because in medicine, and in life, connection rarely comes from perfection ... it comes from the beautiful, endearing oddities that make us unique, and most importantly, make us more real.  No one should “quirk” alone.