Expanding Our Emotional Palette
“Language shows us that naming an experience doesn't give the experience more power, it gives us the power of understanding and meaning.”— Brené Brown
After last week's blog on “emotional metabolism,” a colleague shared an observation that gave me pause: “I like the idea but don't feel like I'm able to name emotions well.” They noted this was something they'd seen in themselves and many other physicians. Perhaps it comes from our families or cultures of origin. The culture and socialization of medical training certainly reinforces it. After all, we're trained to observe, diagnose, and precisely name almost everything—except, perhaps, what is happening inside ourselves.
Somewhere in my own medical training I was taught that there are 4 “primary emotions” —mad, sad, glad, and afraid, which is surprisingly limited. More recently, emotion researchers who have tried to identify a small number of universal “primary” emotions include Paul Ekman's seven basic emotions (anger, contempt, disgust, enjoyment, fear, sadness, and surprise) and Robert Plutchik's eight (joy-sadness, anger-fear, trust-disgust, surprise-anticipation) as well as his “Wheel of Emotion” created to help identify emotional “shades.” Even more recently, Brené Brown's Atlas of the Heart explores 87 emotions and experiences. Eighty-seven! I sometimes wonder if I've been trying to color the complexity of my emotional life with one of those tiny boxes of restaurant crayons.
Why does this matter? Research on “emotional granularity” suggests that people who can more precisely distinguish between their emotional experiences tend to regulate them more effectively. “I'm stressed” may actually mean I'm overwhelmed. Or I'm apprehensive. Or I'm disappointed. Perhaps I'm lonely. Each suggests something different about what we need and how we might respond. The goal isn't to become an emotional thesaurus. It's to develop enough shades and hues to more accurately recognize what's actually there.
Perhaps we can practice expanding our emotional palette together. The next time your PeerRx partner says they're “frustrated,” get curious. What kind of frustrated? Irritated? Powerless? Disappointed? Resentful? Afraid? Don't diagnose their emotion for them; simply help them explore. You might even keep an emotion wheelor list nearby. As clinicians, we've spent years developing exquisitely nuanced clinical vocabularies. Maybe it's time to bring some of that same curiosity and precision to our inner lives.
This week, when you notice a strong emotion, resist settling for the first word that comes to mind. Pause. Look again. Ask, “What am I actually feeling?” Try on a few words until one seems to fit. Then share it with someone you trust. Like any palette, our emotional vocabulary expands through use. And perhaps the more colors we can recognize in ourselves, the better able we'll be to appreciate, and accompany, the full spectrum of emotions in each other. Indeed, perhaps not only shouldn’t we, but perhaps we really can’t “metabolize” our emotions, or care, alone.